Silas's Many Adventures in Fandom
by Hermione Vader
Summary: Silas gets lost in fandom and ends up in various worlds that you will probably recognize. Silas rants about witchcraft, advertises for Opus Dei, helps pirates, and much, much more. Please R&R!
1. Harry Potter and Silas of Religious

**Silas's Many Adventures**

**In Fandom**

Disclaimer: Absolutely none of it is mine and I'm not making any money off of this.

A/N: Silas intrigues me (as a character). I began to wonder what would happen if I borrowed him and placed him in other fandoms and how he would react to the characters. Then this story happened. Sometimes Silas is in a fandom's actual plot, but other times he encounters a fandom's characters during their daily lives.

A note for this chapter: The mark of the beast was never given a specific form in the Book of Revelations, except that it was a scar on either a person's forehead or hand.

**Harry Potter and the Silas **

**Of Religious Fanaticism**

Silas awoke in what seemed to be an ancient castle. He looked around and saw that he was surrounded by three young people of about sixteen or seventeen dressed in dark robes different from his own. There were two young men (one was a tall, lanky redhead and the other had untidy black hair, green eyes, and a lightning bolt scar on the right side of his forehead) and a pretty brown-haired young woman.

"Wh-Who are you?" Silas asked breathlessly.

"I am Hermione Granger, this is Ron Weasley, and this is Harry Potter," the girl told him in a British accent, gesturing to each of the boys in turn.

"He probably already knows who Harry is, Hermione," the redhead, Ron, remarked; Harry, the black-haired one, looked embarrassed. Silas shook his head.

"Where am I?" the monk inquired wearily.

"You're in Hogwarts, o' course," Ron answered as though it was the simplest question in the world.

"I've never heard of it," Silas stated.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Hermione repeated.

"Witchcraft!" the albino exclaimed. "You are students here?" The trio looked at each other and nodded.

"All of you shall go to hell!" he shouted. "God forbids witchcraft! It says so in Deuteronomy!"

"What's he going on about?" Ron asked confusedly.

"I have no clue," Harry replied in a similar tone.

"And look at him!" the monk shrieked, pointing to Harry's scar. "He has the mark of the Beast! This place is evil!"

Silas ran out of the castle, still raving; he ran into the Forbidden Forest and no one at Hogwarts ever saw him again. Unbeknownst to the school's students and staff, he had been knocked out by a group of centaurs and as he lay unconscious on the forest floor, his body faded into another fandom.


	2. Silas of the Rings

**Silas of the Rings**

Disclaimer: (Points to rich people who can afford socks that cost more than the Authoress's concert trombone.) They own everything. I don't.

A/N: I want to keep Silas somewhat in character for the most part, but he's terrible OOC in this chapter because I really couldn't think of anything else. I am not making fun of Catholics, because I am, in fact, Catholic. I'm just poking fun at Silas's fanaticism.

* * *

When Silas regained consciousness, he glanced at his surroundings rapidly. Now he found himself on the balcony of a large building that built into the trees. The albino monk saw that he was sitting in front of a stone table that was situated in the middle of a circle of people sitting in stone chairs. This group was noisily arguing about something in way that made the subject seem to be a matter of life and death.

"We must destroy it!"

"I'll take it!"

"Sauron will never find it in the sea!"

Silas knew that the answer to problem was the answer to all problems: God.

"Stop!" he shouted; everyone turned to look at him. "God is the answer to your problem. Opus Dei will show you The Way."

The monk took out some Opus Dei pamphlets and handed them out to everyone.

"Now, I choose to wear my cilice all day every day, but you can choose to wear it for the minimum of two hours," he informed them cheerfully, brandishing his cilice and letting the small crowd examine it.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor!" a small, blue-eyed creature (that resembled a small boy) cried out rather randomly.

"You have my sword," a dirty-haired man vowed.

"And you have my bow," a blonde person with pointy ears promised.

"And my axe," an extremely hairy dwarf offered.

Silas felt inspired, so he took out his small firearm, waved it in the air, and declared, "And you have my gun!...Hey I feel kinda dizzy…" There was a loud THUMP! as he passed out and hit the ground. The hulking albino then disappeared to the utter shock of Elrond's council.


	3. Silas of the Caribbean

**Silas of the Caribbean**

Disclaimer: I don't own it. It's as simple as that.

A/N: Silas first ends up in this fandom in a deleted scene from the first POTC movie; I'm just warning you in case you don't recognize it.

* * *

When Silas opened his eyes, he saw sea, sand, and some palm trees. He thought that he might've ended up on an uncharted island and would end up teaching the isle's animals to dance, like Robinson Crusoe did. That when he noticed two other people on the beach: a beautiful, golden-haired young woman and a bizarre-looking, dark-haired man. The two persons were conversing and paying no attention to the monk, so he decided that maybe this was a good time to do his semi-weekly whipping with the discipline (his whip).

Silas undressed, ripped his cilice off his thigh, and began to whip himself.

CRACK!

"You're getting closer to God," he told himself, trying not to sob.

SMACK!

"It's good for your soul!"

THWACK!

"PAIN IS GOOD!"

After this particular interjection, the man and woman stopped talking and stared at the albino.

"I don't think you want to be doing that, mate," the man remarked, punctuating the comment with wild hand gestures.

"Why not?" Silas asked in between lashes, not once glancing at the onlookers.

"Well," the woman began, "those scars on your back haven't healed and that whipping will only make them worse."

"I don't care," the monk told her bluntly.

"Well, it's obvious that he is completely mad. Anyway, what were you saying, Elizabeth?" the seemingly deranged man asked the woman, who was apparently called Elizabeth.

"It's Miss Swann. Anyway…is there any truth to the other stories, Jack?" she asked.

"Truth?" Jack repeated. He showed her the branded "P" on his right hand, a long, jagged scar on his left forearm, and two shot wounds on his chest. "No, no truth at all." (Silas, who had stopped whipping himself long enough to see this scenario play out, gulped hard and shuddered.)

"Sir?" Elizabeth asked Silas, "would you please put your robes back on?"

Silas complied, but he couldn't find his cilice. Then he saw Jack dangling it with his left thumb and index finger, while poking at the small metal spikes with his right index finger. (A/N: Mentally insert more amusingly flamboyant hand gestures.)

"That's interesting…very interesting," Jack mused, still poking the chain. Silas swiped it from his hands; the albino was fastening the device around his thigh when Jack spoke again.

"That doesn't look very comfortable," he commented.

"It's not meant to be comfortable; this cilice is meant to remind me of how Christ suffered for all of us," the white-haired monk snapped.

"Are you some sort of French priest?"

"I am a Catholic monk of French origin."

"Oh. A Catholic _and_ a Frenchie. Are you a eunuch as well?"

"No. What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?"

"Captain of _what_, exactly?"

"That has yet to be determined, but the current captain of my ship of choice has marooned me on this island for the second time."

"You've been marooned here before? Funny old world, isn't it?"

"You have no idea."

Hours later…

Jack and Elizabeth got drunk on some old rum, but Silas refused to drink any. He sat and watched them dance around the fire and sing a rather annoying song about pirates. He saw the two of them cuddle and then watched Jack passed out while ingesting more rum. That's when the woman drunkenly staggered over to our favorite albino monk.

"Hello, Silas," Elizabeth slurred as she wrapped her arm around Silas's waist and leaned into him.

"Um…hello," the albino replied nervously.

That's when she snaked an arm around his neck and kissed him.

_Oh, dear,_ Silas thought, feeling very disconcerted. _What about my vows of chastity?_ This is what our dear monk thought about during his first kiss.

As he reciprocated the kiss, his partner deepened it and pushed him onto the sand. The last thing he remembered was a bottled hitting the side of his head and then nothing but darkness.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the last part of the chapter. That's as adult as it will get in this fic. I'm not sure that this chapter is as good as the others, but it's my first attempt at a longer chapter in this story. But Silas is not done adventuring in this fandom.Now Review, people! 


	4. The Curse of the Pale Silas

**The Curse of the Pale Silas**

Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine.

The next day, Silas woke up aboard the British naval ship, the _Dauntless_. The monk gathered himself and went off in search of Elizabeth. It was not long before he found her, since she was the only woman on board.

"Um, Elizabeth?" the albino asked nervously.

"Yes, Silas?" she acknowledged.

"Uh, about last night---"

"Oh, yes, I'm terribly sorry about that. Is your head alright?"

"Yes, it's fine. I was talking about just before that…you know. I was wondering, if you're interested, maybe sometime we could---"

"I'm sorry, but I'm taken."

Upon hearing that, Silas looked crestfallen. Elizabeth gave him an apologetic smile and sauntered off. Moments later, Jack stopped by.

"So she told you, didn't she?" Jack inquired.

"What do you mean? Are you two married?" the ghostly monk asked. Jack roared with laughter.

"Me? Married? To _her_?"

"Well, she said she was 'taken.'"

"She accepted that stick of a Commodore's marriage proposal so that he would rescue the stick of blacksmith she's in love with."

"Wow. That's complicated. What kind of trouble is her lover in?"

"He's been captured by my mutinous, not to mention cursed, former first mate."

"Oh."

Jack swaggered away, leaving the albino to make sense of all this new information.

Later that night…

After Elizabeth told Silas all she knew about the cursed pirates, the navy was preparing to row to Isla de Muerta.

Commodore Norrington ordered that Jack stay alongside him in a rowboat; then the Commodore noticed Silas.

"Bring his accomplice as well," he ordered.

"But I'm not his---aauuuggh!" the monk tried to insist as two officers carted him away.

Our favorite deranged albino monk sat next to Jack until Norrington ordered the pirate to enter the cave and bargain with the other pirates. As Silas sat in the boat, he became very nervous; he got the hiccups. Also, he got nervous enough that he jumped into the water and swam towards the cave. When the crazy clergyman reached the shore, he hid in a narrow niche in the rocks and watched a horde of nutty pirates walk into and under the water. After the crowd was fully submerged, Silas tiptoed into the cavern.

Inside the pirates' cave, the pale monk saw Captain Jack Sparrow talking to an ugly older man who wore an enormous, battered hat.

"Well, Jack, I thought I had you figured. It turns out you're a hard man to predict," Ugly mused.

"Me? I'm dishonest," Jack informed him, tossing the statue he was examining over to the side. "And you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest---honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for because you never know when they'll do something _incredibly stupid_." The captain's hands flailed all over as he explained this. He turned to a man who looked incredibly familiar to Silas, though he couldn't place him; the albino walked up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey (hic), have I (hic) threatened you (hic) before?" he asked the man.

That's when several swordfights broke out; Silas attempted to dodge the violence, hiccupping and waving his arms above his head all the way. He noticed that the antagonistic pirates became decaying skeletons when they stood in the pools of moonlight scattered around the cave. This realization made him want to scream. He did.

While Silas was on the verge of having a mental breakdown, Elizabeth came bursting in and help the second man fight the rotting corpses. Ugly pointed his pistol at the girl and there was a gunshot. Silas looked around and tried to register where it had come from. He saw that Jack had shot Ugly.

"You've had that bullet ten years and now you waste your shot?" Ugly remarked.

"He didn't waste it," Jack's companion told him as he dropped two gold pieces into the giant chest.

The curse was broken and Ugly died. When Silas saw the other pirates become human again, he exclaimed, "HOLY CRAP!"


	5. Pale Monk's Whip

**Pale Monk's Whip**

Disclaimer: It's not mine. The title is a parody of _Dead Man's Chest_.

A/N: We've reached the last POTC chapter! Sorry it took so long; there were so many things I wanted to do with it. Silas will be back for _Dead Man's Chest_. I'm taking suggestions for destinations featured in future chapters (though I can't do anime, as I don't read or watch much of it). I guess this story takes place after an alternate DVC in which Silas lives.

Well, this was it. This was the end of Silas's life. It wasn't an honorable one. He would be hanged as a criminal---as a pirate. Maybe this was his divine punishment for killing those innocent people in order to destroy the Holy Grail. The worst part was that he was about to die and he _still_ hadn't gotten rid of his hiccups.

"Silas the Monk," recited the man whose job it was to recite the charges, "is hereby charged with treason and high crimes against the crown. These crimes are numerous in quantity and sinister in nature. They are as follows: assisting a pirate, being French, and being a Catholic."

_That's why I'm being hanged? _Silas thought. _I've done worse things than that. Like killing that nun._

The Charge Reader then recited Jack's charges.

"Impersonating an officer of the British Royal Navy, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England…"

"I forgot about that one," Jack murmured, smiling. Silas only ogled him and hiccupped.

Out of the corner of his eye, the monk saw the familiar-looking man (whose name was Will, Jack had told him) talking to Elizabeth, the Commodore, and the Governor. Will then turned away. Silas thought he saw Elizabeth faint, but he wasn't sure, since total chaos broke out at that moment.

Will threw two swords into the base of the gallows so that when the bottom dropped out, Jack and Silas could stand on them (which they did). Will then fought with the executioner while the two criminals' feet teetered on the edge of the swords, Jack's chocolate brown eyes and Silas's ice blue eyes bulged at the sight of a sword and an axe so close to their heads. Will managed to cut the ropes free and the condemned men cut their bonds on the swords below.

Jack, Will, and Silas spread the rope out among each other and managed to close-line a good number of naval officers. Unfortunately, when they reached the fort's rampart, they were surrounded by other naval officers. The trio was soon met by Commodore Norrington, Governor Swann, and Elizabeth.

"I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill-conceived escape attempt," the commodore told Will, furious, "but not from you."

"On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency," Governor Swann added. "And this is how you repay me? By throwing in your lot with them? He's a pirate. That one's French."

"And they're good men," Will insisted.

"You forget your place, Turner," Norrington warned.

"It's right here," Will told him firmly, "between you and Jack."

"As is mine," Elizabeth stated as she stepped into the middle of the ring of soldiers where the three men stood.

"You (hic) forgot me (hic)," Silas whispered.

"So this is where you heart truly lies, then?" Norrington asked Elizabeth. She nodded.

Jack saw the pause in action as his cue to leave.

"Well, I think we've all arrived at a very special place," he declared, breathing in the governor's face, "spiritually…ecumenically…grammatically." Then he got close to the commodore's face. "I was rooting for you, mate…know that."

As he snuck back, he grabbed Silas's wrist.

"Elizabeth," Jack began, "it would've never worked between us, darling; I'm sorry. And Will…nice hat."

"Where did you learn to kiss so well?" Silas asked Elizabeth. This question earned her a confused look from Will.

Jack led Silas up to the top edge of the rampart.

"This is the day you will always remember as---" the pirate began. Both men fell off the rampart. They both fell unconscious when they were halfway down; they disappeared completely right before they hit the water.

If you review, you will receive a Silas plushie (along with an additional Capt. Jack plushie), all the chocolate you can eat, and two giant cakes: one in the shape of thePyramide Inverseeand the other in the shape of the _Black Pearl_.


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